Kraken Monster Lab’s heart-shaped grinders readily showcase the brand’s outside-the-box thinking with dynamic designs. Each one offers a completely different experience between the texture and the height and depth, naturally inviting usage beyond simple grinding.
Design & Specs
Kraken Monster Lab, based in Australia, crafts gorgeous designs with strong detail like their winged dildos Angelous Phallus and Heinous Penis which I previously reviewed. They’re one of a few brands who sculpt their original designs in clay rather than 3D printing, with absolutely gorgeous results and a texture style that can’t easily be emulated by digital sculpting.
Two of their heart-shaped grinders—Sweet Heart and Bad Romance, an angel and demon duo—are available year round, while Love Hurts is a February exclusive. The grinders are all fantastical vulvas, just like one of my faves, so I was excited to see which shape and texture worked best for me.
All three of these are easy to hold thanks to the size and thickness of the bases (each one being wider than my palm at 4-5″ long and 2-2.5″ tall), and they’re large enough to generally stay in place while set down on a prop or a towel. Even with lube on them, the surface finish and size make it possible to keep hold of them easily.
Mine were poured as customs, with two in soft firmness 00-30 and with Bad Romance in medium firmness 00-50. Most fantasy grinders are sold as 00-20 or 00-30 by default, which works for a lot of people, but it’s nice to have firmer options available.
I used the lineart on Kraken Monster Lab’s site to put together mockups of the pours I was interested in. Two of them turned out just as I hoped! Bad Romance (the one with the tongue) was repoured since the initial pour ended up with very bold colors. The repour that I received has lighter colors and fits the prompt much better, though the outcome leans more “lemon blueberry cheesecake” than the “Valentine themed” that I envisioned. (That’s not a knock on the shop, though; it’s definitely within a typical range of color variation that I expect, and I have no complaints about dessert-colored toys.)
Bad Romance features a small clit with a thick hood and two slender forked tongues sandwiched between bat-like leathery wings. In medium firmness 00-50, this is the firmest one that I received. It is a bit squishy but holds its shape very well. The long tongue is very flexible due to the thinness. Mine is a marble of pearl and gold with a wine-color tongue.
The long tongue is about 3″ usable (2.5″ of that excluding the short tongue) and the short tongue is about 1.5″ long (including portion that cannot be inserted). The long tongue alone gets up to 2.5″ circumference (0..8″ diameter), while combined they reach 3″ circumference (1″ diameter).
Price: $110 AUD ($71 USD) base price, $120 AUD ($77 USD) marbled with tongue colored differently like mine, $140 AUD ($90 USD) deluxe pour with cleaner split tongue.
Love Hurts (only available in February) is a spiky heart with a heart-shaped clit and spiky inwards-facing labia. The rounded spikes are not pokey at all due to how rounded they are and the soft firmness 00-30. The grinder is moderately squishy. Mine is a highlight of shimmer gold over black.
Price: $99 AUD ($64 USD) base price, $120 AUD ($77 USD) with a highlight like mine.
Sweet Heart has a large erect clit, a hollow passage, and feathery wings. The grinder is moderately squishy in soft firmness 00-30. For a more fleshlike squishiness, I would recommend supersoft firmness 00-20. Mine is a marble of red, purple, and bronze.
Price: $120 AUD ($77 USD) base price, $130 AUD ($84 USD) marbled like mine.
In addition to the grinders, I received adoption cards/care cards, stickers, squishies, chocolates, and cotton bags with character pinups printed on them, one with a kinky demon and another with a trans Easter rabbit.
While I did not receive character stickers, each of the grinders I received has a corresponding character with stickers available for purchase: Bad Romance (succubus), Love Hurts (demon), and Sweet Heart (angel).
Use code Frost24 to get 10% off from Kraken Monster Lab through Dec 30, 2025.
Bad Romance
Bad Romance is both a grinder and a very slim dildo. I wasn’t sure what to expect from the tongue, but I know that I very much enjoy internal stimulation while grinding, so this is the one I was most looking forward to.
The tongue is really neat from a design perspective and works out alright in use. The tongue is very, very nice to rub against myself externally. For texture alone, it’s fantastic, though the shape and thinness prevent me from adding much pressure and it flops around a bit. It’s very easy to hold the base while flicking the tongue against myself.
Internally, I can feel the tongue’s shape in medium firmness 00-50 despite the thinness. (Sometimes I have difficulty feeling small or soft dildos.) However, I can’t feel the texture very well internally because of the thin girth. Having the tongue inserted (particularly where it’s thicker at the base with the second tongue) is very nice while grinding since it stimulates my sensitive entrance.
When thrusting the long tongue all the way inside, the short tongue licks underneath my clit. I get the full length of the short tongue along the full length of my clit (which is large thanks to T). Given the strength of the texture in medium firmness, it’s pretty intense.
The clit does not stick out enough to grind against easily; I really have to press down to get pressure from it since it’s the same height as the wings. While doing this, the spikes from the wings press against me, which is a little annoying but not painful. If I enjoyed gentle grinding, this might be enjoyable, but I really like pressure.
Bad Romance is a great concept, but the execution has room to improve. A taller clit and lower spikes (even just 1/4″) would make it much more functional as a grinder. A wider tongue would make a licking motion easier as well, though I respect the “thin forked tongue” visual that it has as-is, and the dual tongue setup works particularly well for my external anatomy.
The tongue portion is a fun design and I’d love to see a version of this design as a standard size dildo.
Love Hurts
Love Hurts is the most versatile of these three grinders. It works for pressure, texture, or both, and works well at a lot of different angles, whether held in hand or set in place. Plus, it wears a highlight amazingly well; the spikes stand out impressively.
The spikes around the slit are my favorite part. I enjoy them against either my clit directly or my foreskin, and I can fuck into the slit while feeling the spikes on either side. They’re gentle due to the softness and roundness, and they provide quite a lot of texture with how far they stick out.
Held in hand, I like to rub the slit lengthwise along my clit without pressing into it, so that I get all texture with no pressure. As much as I love pressure, the texture on its own is fantastic. When grinding against it, I can press against the clit for some pressure; even though the clit does not stick out much, it is above most of the rest of the grinder, making it mostly accessible.
I don’t get much from the spikes in the very middle of the slit; I suspect they contribute to the overall sensations, but I can’t specifically pick out that feeling the way I can the spikes on the sides. Those spikes are likely too deep for someone with a small clit to reach.
Sweet Heart
Sweet Heart has a much more generous clit than I was anticipating: Looking top-down, it’s hard to see the height, but from the side it’s very obvious. The clit is pretty much the same size and shape as my own t-dick.
In soft firmness 00-30, it’s not as plush and soft as a real clit, but the stiffness offers a nice level of resistance when pressing against it. While I generally prefer less lube for grinders in favor of friction, more lube makes it feel more plush and realistic.
Whether holding in hand or humping against a surface, Sweet Heart is great for frotting. I can get really nice pressure while it’s placed down. It takes a minute to find the right angles, but once I do, it’s very effective. My clit sometimes goes to either side of Sweet Heart’s, but that’s an expected outcome of trying to press erect parts together.
The ridged texture under the clit is fairly strong even in soft firmness. The labia to either side keep my clit from moving to either side, which is neat, though they also limit how much I can press down against the grinder. I benefit most from this texture while holding the grinder and moving it quickly rather than pressing down against it while it stays in place.
It’s the perfect size and shape to suck on. Most fantasy toys with clits are awkward for oral play, but this one is very easy to latch my mouth onto. The thinness of the labia makes them a little hard-edged, but it doesn’t detract much.
The hole in the middle is neat when it comes to options for how to hold it, but lube/spit/fluids ultimately drip down into the hole, making a mess of whatever’s underneath. I could maybe see utility for inserting a vibrator or stroking a cock, but as far as my preferred usage of grinding/sucking goes, I would have liked it to have a thin base instead of a hole.
Overall
The heart-shaped grinders from Kraken Monster Lab are gorgeous works of art and each one offers its own unique experience. The custom colors turned out gorgeous and the brand worked with me to make sure I ended up with exactly what I wanted.
Love Hurts, the February seasonal grinder, is my favorite of the bunch for the high-texture experience. Sweet Heart is one of the few fantasy clit toys I’ve found that works for oral play and is great for frotting. Bad Romance is a neat concept and my favorite design visually with a very interesting tongue, but falls short for clit-to-clit grinding.
Kraken Monster Lab Website
Kraken Monster Lab Available Grinders
Model Catalog
Use code Frost24 to get 10% off from Kraken Monster Lab through Dec 30, 2025.
I received these toys in exchange for an honest review.